Strange Times and Dating Land
Last night was the date of a university reunion. It was only a small gathering, a few of my old classmates, it was absolutely lovely however. We drank and had a rather silly mixed kissing session. It was one of those trips out that have all the best features of going out at night; as I do not go out often however this was doubly special.

There was, however, a problem.

You see I brought along a date; a guy i've known for a while who is great. I asked my friends and they didn't mind, so I met my date a little earlier and had a drink over a large chat about philosophy. I told him, once or twice, that at any point he should just tell me if he felt awkward; we all know how terrible it is to feel like a third wheel.

It wasn't however; they all got on great, and we had a great time; at least in my feebly ridiculous reading of things. I always flatter myself, to ludicrous extremes, that I can read people rather well and empathise. To me I did everything I could to make everyone feel comfortable and included even though this was no one individuals responsibility. He invited me back home, said I could stay the night to avoid the torturous journey home; an offer which I of course accepted. In the last bar (about an hour after this lovely offer) we were both getting ready to leave and I said we should after i'd finished my drink, he seemed to be enjoying himself so there was no real problem as I percieved it.

Well, he went to the bathroom and went for a cigarette and I haven't seen him since. I noticed after about ten minuites that he hadn't returned; but it was a busy Saturday night; perhaps he had been delayed? I went to search for him - no sign.

The thing that really upset me was the presence of my uni friends; we'd had such a good evening and yet it'd been tarnished in a trice. I don't think I have cried with any deep emotion more than around three times in my life, but I was very near in that bar; keeping a glassy smile on my face was perhpas one of the hardest emotional feats I have completed; perhaps at least it has shown me that I can control my excesses.

As much as i'd like to, love to in fact, I don't think I will trust anyone deeply again for a very long time, perhaps I will never trust another person deeply again in my life. I know that is a grand claim to make; I hope it is, I hope it is ridiculous and melancholic because i'd love to be wrong in this case; but after this again and again I do not see what reason I have to trust anyone. Perhaps the most unforgivable crime about the event was, for me, the fact that now I doubt my ability to truely empathise with people, one of my most treasured possessions.